FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
From the desk of Sue Sylvester
William McKinley High School
July 15, 2011
For two years, we’ve been mercilessly bombarded with the pubescent nonsense of carnival sideshow freaks calling themselves “The Glee Club.” These tone deaf, howler monkeys conned the plebian masses into downloading millions of songs; won Emmy Awards and Golden Globes; and have charted more singles than the Beatles. Roll over Beethoven, something stinks, and it ain’t the cheese, it’s The Glee Club.
And now, they’re trying to shove a 3-D concert movie down our throats.
It is with this declaration that I put forth this nation’s most important initiative since the McCarthy hearings: The Sue Sylvester “STOP BELIEVING” campaign.
It’s time to make a stand against these pimply-faced, hormone-ridden twits by joining the “STOP BELIEVING” campaign on Her inaugural journey. Say “NO” to their insignificant cinematic experiment. I don’t know about you, but I can’t stand looking at their little satanic faces in 2-D, much less 3D.
Watching this movie is not only an atrocity to this great nation, but it’s also bad for your health. If I may be so bold as to quote Dr. Charlie Sheen out of context, “Your face will melt off, and your children will weep over your exploded body.”
General public, join me and together, we can put an end to this vomit-inducing, ear-ringing virus called The Glee Club.
Internationally Recognized Cheerleading Coach
Sue Sylvester
dictated, but not read
